heard at the


In the town of Burnley, Lancashire


Ladies & gentlemen eyes down,
Bag o’ sweets for your line,
Two pound your full house;

Snakes alive, all the fives, fifty five
Christmas cake, three & eight, thirty eighty
& it’s half-way there, four & five, forty five
Doctors orders, on its own, the number nine
Seven & six, “Was she worth it?”
Every penny… seventy six

Kelly’s Eye, on its own, the number one
& its three & O, dirty gertie, blind thirty
Tickle me, six & three, sixty three
& it’s thee & me, two & three, twenty three
Five & nine, the Brighton line, fifty nine
It’s Diana Doors in droopy drawers,
All the fours,

Shouts Mary Pie,
Much to Cliff’s consternation,
He only needed one for the line

Al, the old drunk, goes to check the ticket
55, 76, 1, 63, 59, 44
& hands her the boiled sweets
‘I’ll give them to Sally,’ says Mary Pie,
‘They’re no good for mi teeth…’



Suddenly it gets serious
The numbers come calling
Eyes Down for your full house…

On its own, it’s the lucky seven
& it’s Unlucky for some, thirteen
Heinz Varieties, five & seven, fifty seven
Ooo! It’s those legs, eleven
The room echoes to shrill cat whistles

It’s Sherwood Forest, all the trees, thirty three
A fumph & a duck, five & two, fifty two
‘Five-O, Five-O, it’s off to work we go
With a shovel & pick & a walking stick, Five-O, Five-O’
Purple-haired Slyvia gets exited & carries on the song,
‘Five-O, Five-O, it’s off to work we go,
With a bucket & spade & a hand grenade,
Five-O, Five-O, ‘
Blind fifty!

All the sixes, clickity-click, sixty-six
It’s the garden gate, the number eight
& someone didn’t flush the toilet
It’s a dirty loo, thirty two

Its two little ducks, twenty two
It’s the sunset strip, all the sevens, seventy-seven
& a duck & a crutch, two & seven, twenty-seven
Almost there, eight & nine, eighty nine
Ooo! It’s top of the shop, blind ninety!



Woodtop is getting tense,
Cliff only needs one for the full house
But Mary Pie,
The old buggar,
She’s right on his tail

It’s queen bee, seventy three
Anyway up, six & nine, sixty nine
& it’s those steps, three & nine, thirty nine
Man alive, the number five
& it’s two fat ladies, all the eights, eighty-eight
You’ve been & gone at eighty one
The key of the door, two & one, twenty one
& its Ghandis breakfast, he ate nothing, blind eighty
It’s tickety-boo, sixty two
& she’s still alive’s our Mary Pie,
She’s eight & five, eighty-five
“EE-ya! shouts Sally, knocking over her drink
Much to Cliff’s annoyance

Al goes to check the ticket
7, 57, 33, 66, 77, 90, 88, 21, 80

& gives her the two pound

“I’ll share it with Mary Pie,” she says with a smile

Ladies & gentlemen eyes down,
Bag o’ sweets for your line,
Two pound your full house…

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